to your mother

THOUGHTS ABOUT BEING A MOTHER AND LOVING A MOTHER...FROM A MOTHER OF TWO.







Thursday, May 26, 2011

Right Now

He naps in his bed after getting up at 3 A.M.
She giggles and belly laughs while watching Kipper from the couch.
Happiness.

Friday, May 20, 2011

I Know

At times I will complement Mom; upon her hair, her outfit, her laughter, her crazy socks.  Her standard reply (said quickly and with confidence) is "I know", such as:

PA:    Mom, love your outfit, the shades of purple really are becoming to you.
Mom: I know.
PA:    Mom, that's just rude.  You should say "Thank you" when someone compliments you.

Then we both bubble over with laughter...and she never says "thank you".

Recently I have been reflecting upon my self-esteem.  Let's just say that what I portray to the world (confidence, beauty, self-love) is not how I feel inside.  When I receive compliments from others, I usually smile, say thank you, then promptly dispose of the compliment because those good thoughts don't apply to a cretin such as myself (in my head, remember?  Not a safe place to be, you don't want to vacation there is all I'm sayin').  Now I am working on BELIEVING those good thoughts.  I AM beautiful.  I AM intelligent.  I AM talented.  I DO love myself.  This is hard work, brain surgery for someone who has thought this way for eons, but I AM a strong woman and I AM able to change.  I am working on stopping the negative thoughts in my head before they run rampant and replacing those negs with positives.

In the midst of all this self-work, I started thinking about Mom's replies to my compliments.  Maybe I need to learn from her.  Hear the compliment and think "I know", such as:

Mike: There's my beautiful wife!
PA:     (I know) Thank you, if feels good to be beautiful.
Mike: Now give this Daddy a kiss.

You get the picture, I'll stop there. 

I must BELIEVE, I must LISTEN, I must ACKNOWLEDGE, I must KNOW.

Thanks Mom.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

A List Of Graditude

1.  fog on the field
2.  a clean face
3.  music in the kitchen
4.  free basketball hoop
5.  talking to Bonnie
6.  Elizabeth as a sponsor
7.  misty rain on the garden
8.  load of sand for the boy
9.  cleaning up the house
10. a meeting that feels like a lodge
11. joy on Mom's face
12. So Soft shampoo
13. warm sunshine
14. friends to play
15. sweeper
16. green green grass
17. extended family love
18. freshly made bed
19. getting little things done
20. coffee with cream
21. a beautiful home

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Slowly Coming Out of the Fog

This week has been a little better, more manageable, less stressful.  I continue to feel blah and flat, but at least now I don't feel like I'm crawling my way out of the hole.  Each day can be better, thanks to Zoloft and a Higher Power in my life.