to your mother


Friday, April 29, 2011

This Week

has been hard, very hard...but it is good.  I can count many blessings that are right here in front of my face and many more that may be miles away.  I'm slowing down to regroup so then I can speed up a little to move forward.  I believe that this is something that is good to do every once and awhile, but let me tell you I am looking forward to moving on from this episode. 

Monday, April 11, 2011

A Wee Bit of Sunshine...and Giggles

Life, on a daily basis, has been okay; this is a good thing.  I have been living a day at a time, reveling at being a stay-at-home-Mom, kissing my kids, laughing.  At times I get overwhelmed with thoughts of L.I.F.E. but then I am able to breathe, realize that what is happening right now IS L.I.F.E. and enjoy the ride as it comes.  Having a list of things to do each day has been very helpful...some days the list simply says

pay bills

Anything else that happens is gravy on the biscuit (love you Bill J.) and anything that doesn't happen doesn't really matter anyway.  I plan play dates and buy pretzels for Joe's preschool party.  I call friends and text even more.  I inhale.  I exhale.  I read good literature.  I think about eating healthy, whole foods...and sometimes I eat them.  I listen to Wee One banter on in her Julese language.  I laugh when Joe rides his bike on the patio with no shoes, in his underwear.  I am finding joy a little at a time.  It is good.

I have been able to capture some little bits of joy over the past week to share today, no captions, just simple joy.

Peace, and chicken grease.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Life Isn't Always Sunshine and Giggles

As I look back upon various Word to Your Mother posts, most are uplifting, comical - full of pictures to oohhh and aahh over.  Then there may be a brief pause in posting for awhile...then back to the stuff and giggles of which some days are made.  I think it's about time to blog about LIFE.  My LIFE to be specific.

Hold onto your panties.  I will try to keep this brief, yet honest and to the point.

In my head, my life sucks.  In my head, I am a horrible mother.  In my head, I am obese.  In my head, I am a neglectful sister and daughter.  In my head, I am a slothful, undeserving wife.  In my head, I am crazy.  If you had all the vacation time in the world, you would never want to visit this world in my head.  It's a yucky place to be. Upon meeting me, spending time with me, you would never believe any of this was going through my head...I put on a pretty good show.

Recently I have been diagnosed with conversion disorder, for the second time in two years.  This time around I have lost my sense of taste and my sense of balance.  I am taking this diagnosis a little bit more seriously this time as I realize this disorder is not just something to fix with upping the Prozac; it is a diagnosis that points to some serious personal work with which I need to do.  I have a psychiatrist, behavioral counselor, close friends and family, and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous with which to work and get support.  I believe this support system will help me to work on the yucky-craziness that amounts to the thoughts in my head , which may alleviate some of the pressures/ stress that rears it's head as conversion disorder in my life.

Nuff said.  Anyone out there ever heard of conversion disorder?  Experienced it first (or second) hand?  This is NOT a post looking for "good thoughts about Peggy"...that will make me gag.  This post is about  me telling it like it is...I'll keep you posted on how all this is going.