to your mother

THOUGHTS ABOUT BEING A MOTHER AND LOVING A MOTHER...FROM A MOTHER OF TWO.







Sunday, November 19, 2017

6 on Sunday...This One Goes Out to Jessie

Saw cousin Jessie today at Myron and Maxine's kick-off to Thanksgiving week party. She mentioned my last blog update. She said something to the effect of "That was pretty heavy...in a good way, but not something to read while waiting for friends for dinner."

This caused me to reflect upon the responses that I got from that update. People traditionally respond right away, encouragement, good wishes, laughter through words. Not so much for the last one. This last one had a lag time. People had to digest it, perhaps not even read it until they were mentally able, people shared with me their own experiences, how reading about my experience reminded me of their own.

Now's about time for something completely different.

I'm reviving my 5 on Friday but it's Sunday so it's 6. I'm posting 6 pics from my old cell phone since that phone is long dead and I want to be able to treasure these cell phone moments.

Here 'tis , People .

More swinging pics. These first few times that my minions swung themselves is momentous for this Mama. The joy on their faces, the sense of freedom. Love it. (Note Julie's kitten heels and Easter dress made by Mom for Rachel and passed down to her. Kitten heels scream LET'S GO TO THE PLAYGROUND!)


Joe is much more serious about his swinging. I betcha he is contemplating the velocity of the swing times the force of gravity to ensure when he jumps off he will perfectly land on his feet. No joke, this boy THINKS.


Joe used to love to put his head out the window. He literally looked like a joyous dog each time. LOVE that boy.



Ellen King is our dear friend. She has seen our family through much more than words can convey. She sold our house on Duvall Road in a few short days. BOOM. Ellen doesn't play around. Now, there is so much more to this story about how we got from this day to where we are today. That really doesn't matter today. What does matter is that Ellen helped our family every step of the way to get us where we are today. We believe we are exactly where we are suppose to be today and we wouldn't be here without Ellen King. Ellen is our angel on Earth. Thank you Ellen for everything that you have done for our family. (She even came to the kids' Halloween parade at school...you would have thought Taylor Swift was attending with the way the kids reacted when they saw her).


Oh how I wish I knew for whom those azaleas were picked but it was probably just another day in paradise (and apparently a day to wear fake glasses). This picture was taken at least three years ago...Julie was still wearing this dress this past summer.



Julie is a Pieces, literally a fish and I believe it. She loooooooooves the water. I believe this picture was taken at the apartment complex that we stayed in for a bit in 2015. Ellen King gave us towels and pool toys to support our water-ness. I told you Ellen is our angel.

Stay tuned for more old cell phone pics, I still got a bunch to post.

Here's to a great week People, there's lots for which to be thankful.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Dear God, My Mom Died ( A Prayer Not A Swear)

NOTE: Pictures are from June 2016, trying to lighten a heavy post, People.

When I see the quilt I made for Mom in 1997, my first quilt, that when I gifted it to her Mom said she'd take it to the home with her and indeed she did just that 19 years later,  the quilt she slept under for the last year and a half of her life while living at The Manor, Lord I just THINK of that quilt that now lays on the end of my bed and I feel a slap across my face...Dear God, my mom died.


When I'm sitting in Julie's darkened room at night, listening for her rhythmed breathing, I can feel the pressure of a thousand sand bags over my entire body...Dear God, my mom died.



Each morning as I drive to school, a time when I called Mom each day to connect with her, to hear her say "Lo!" as she answered the phone, to tell her stories to make her laugh, to let her know our daily antics from 3 hours away, my chest tightens as if I've been pierced with a knife...Dear God, my mom died.


If you have experienced the death of a parent, you may understand the feeling. For those who don't understand this crushing blow, this is how it feels for me. For 46 years I have walked this Earth and my mom has existed somewhere here too, walking this same Earth. No matter where I was, what I was doing, if I thought of Mom I felt reassured that I knew where she was, perhaps not the direct coordinates but a simple phone call could reconnect us, grounding me to this life I live. She was always here. With every breath I took.


People, my foundation of life feels like it has shifted. I'm still grounded to this Earth, but I feel like I've shifted a bit to the right and that doesn't feel right. When I feel the slap, the sandbags, the knife...that shift comes and creates an earthquake in my core. I feel horribly off balance. This life doesn't feel right without my mom walking this Earth, it can actually feel downright horrific.


I'm starting to feel the fog of grief lifting a little these days. I'm becoming more tolerant of life each day. I have laughed in recent days. I can look at my husband and kids and actually see them. I'm beginning to live again.


Nothing can change the fact that my mom died, but perhaps I will get more tolerant of this sudden shift to the right.  Perhaps stringing some more days together will make being to the right almost alright.


The following are actual quotes said as I took these pictures a year and a half ago... trying to engage Mom in some fun cause it seemed as if the girl was wearing her out.



"Mom, show me your Grumpy Cat face"


"Mom, show me your confused face"


"Mom, show me your surprised face"


"Mom, show me your mad face"

I can almost hear her saying "Mr. McGee don't make me angry. You would't like me when I'm angry."