As I look back upon various Word to Your Mother posts, most are uplifting, comical - full of pictures to oohhh and aahh over. Then there may be a brief pause in posting for awhile...then back to the stuff and giggles of which some days are made. I think it's about time to blog about LIFE. My LIFE to be specific.
Hold onto your panties. I will try to keep this brief, yet honest and to the point.
In my head, my life sucks. In my head, I am a horrible mother. In my head, I am obese. In my head, I am a neglectful sister and daughter. In my head, I am a slothful, undeserving wife. In my head, I am crazy. If you had all the vacation time in the world, you would never want to visit this world in my head. It's a yucky place to be. Upon meeting me, spending time with me, you would never believe any of this was going through my head...I put on a pretty good show.
Recently I have been diagnosed with conversion disorder, for the second time in two years. This time around I have lost my sense of taste and my sense of balance. I am taking this diagnosis a little bit more seriously this time as I realize this disorder is not just something to fix with upping the Prozac; it is a diagnosis that points to some serious personal work with which I need to do. I have a psychiatrist, behavioral counselor, close friends and family, and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous with which to work and get support. I believe this support system will help me to work on the yucky-craziness that amounts to the thoughts in my head , which may alleviate some of the pressures/ stress that rears it's head as conversion disorder in my life.
Nuff said. Anyone out there ever heard of conversion disorder? Experienced it first (or second) hand? This is NOT a post looking for "good thoughts about Peggy"...that will make me gag. This post is about me telling it like it is...I'll keep you posted on how all this is going.
Peggy, sorry to hear this but I applaud you for being so brutally honest. You are a wonderful woman and a beloved friend, a child of our Almighty Father, you will get through this. Allow God to walk with you. I will pray for you. I miss you and your sweet funny kiddos! When the weather breaks I'm heading down to take some silly fun family photos to brighten you up!! XO
ReplyDeleteI have a dear friend with conversion disorder...but I think you know her. Be still and know that I am...your friend. Always. (See what I did there?)
ReplyDeleteMy dear cousin; know that you are not alone. You have been so strong for so many others over the past few years without sharing your pain. Time's up; it is time to take care of yourself. Put yourself first in front of the kids, Mike, your parents, the happy ever after story book life. You will get through this; it's one of the hiccups in life that won't just go away.
ReplyDeleteYou are loved & cherished; I am here for you.
Love, Libby
We take on life, its burdens, its needs, its shoulds, and we try to make it better with nurturing and giving to those we love...we shove aside ourselves to be the caretakers for those who may or may not need help. We strive to be everything to others, but end up being a shell to ourselves. It's physically taxing to be the end all for so many, and leaves no energy for you to be there for yourself. It's time for you to look after you. If being loved by others could supply all you need to do for you, you'd be way ahead in all this...being loved is the answer, but it has to be you being loved by you. It's a road we all walk while we learn how important we really are to ourselves. I know you're an incredibly bright spot in all our days...let us be the bright spots in yours...feel the good energy and love and support from us all. Do your work to take care of you. Know that you're loved...
ReplyDeletealways...Marye
Just wanted to say that I very much admire your honesty and am sending lots of hugs.
ReplyDelete