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Friday, July 6, 2012

Recipe For an Exciting Playdate

1. Allow kids to play in the basement while you stay upstairs doing, well, whatever you want that doesn't involve interacting with kids.

2. Listen to the strangely calm children after they race upstairs to tell you there is a snake in the basement.  "Really Miss Peggy Anne, I think it's ALIVE".  No children are giggling that "we-are-playing-a-good-one-on-this-Mama" sort of giggle, no children are squealing with fright.

3. Calmly follow the children to the basement.  Be prepared for anything.

4.  This is what you see, curled in the corner, big enough to be held in the palm of your hand.

5. Don't poke it yet, tell children to stay away as you run upstairs.

6. Get a sand bucket and tongs from the kitchen.  Return downstairs and slowly poke the snake with the tongs .  Some children will hang over your shoulder, trying to see it all.  Use your yoga techniques to balance on your hanches while a child monkeys on your back.  Some children will continue to bounce on the mini trampoline and throw metal planes at each other. Don't worry, all children are truly safe cause you are handling the snake situation.  Use the tongs to gently lift the snake into the bucket. 

7. Take the bucket upstairs and place it on the kitchen table.  Google the snake.  Type in something like "yellow-bellied snake".  Laugh cause it reminds you of a saying like "You yellow-bellied lizard!", said with a cowboy accent.  Click on the link and find out this.

8. Allow a curious child to poke her head into the bucket to see the snake. 

9. When said child asks to touch the snake, call your partner in crime to see what he thinks. Listen to his rational thoughts then tell the child "No, you may not touch.  We don't play with snakes."

10. After enough looking, encourage the child to take the snake back to his natural habitat.

11.  The snake will roll and frolic in his natural habitat.  He will show off his beautiful yellow underbelly and rest there a bit.

12.  Take play date kid home.  Hurry home to see if the snake is still where you dumped released him.  He will have slithered off to someplace cool.

13. Encourage the children to return to their cool habitat inside, especially since one of them insisted on wearing a long sleeve shirt on a 101 degree heat index day.

14.  Wipe down the kitchen table and put the tongs in the dishwasher...gotta keep a safe home, ya know.

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