Recipe For A No-Stress Thanksgiving Meal

For this meal you must start a little in advance...there are no pictures, this gets a little messy.


4 days before the meal:

• have a state trooper seize the tags off your van, leaving you and your two wee ones stranded on the side of Route 70 to wait until your husband can come pick you up


• spend four hours at the MVA to clear up the miscommunication mess between your insurance company and the DMV, pay no fines, get new tags


• call your lawyer uncle to find out that the charges for the ticket issued you for driving an uninsured vehicle can lead to a suspended license for a year or possibly a year in jail


• make a list of stuff to take care of to insure that you don't go to jail after the court date.


• love yourself, love your family

3 days before the meal:

• chip your front tooth while assisting your three year old son with dressing for the day


• cut lip on chipped tooth


• have husband come home from work at lunchtime to inform you that his back is "out", meaning that he is unable to function while standing or sitting
• after putting the kids to bed, go grocery shopping for the Thanksgiving meal that you will provide at your parents' house in 3 days
• put all frozen stuff to transport to your parents' house in a pile in the freezer, put cold stuff in a bag in the refrigerator, put non-perishables in a bag and leave on the counter, make a list of other things that need to be added before leaving the house
• PUT FROZEN TURKEY IN A PAN TO THAW IN THE FRIDGE (hindsight, ya know)
• love yourself, love your family

2 days before the meal,

• your list of things to do today is to survive by loving yourself and loving your family
• put off dealing with the possibility of going to jail until next week...the court date hasn't been set yet and there are bigger turkeys to roast at this point
• get news that the loan for your home purchase has been approved
• discover that closing will be in 5 days and movers will move you in 7 days
• continue to pack up your house, one box at a time
• love yourself, love your family

1 day before the meal,

• make spinach dip (it's always good the day after)
• pack some boxes, one box at a time
• don't think, just do
• love yourself, love your family

Morning of the meal,

• have your husband with the wacked back watch the kids from his recliner as you sleep in until 7:30 a.m.
• get yourself and two children ready for the day
• consult list of stuff to take to your parents' house
• discover turkey has leaked toxic turkey juice all over the fridge (see 3 days before list)
• forget about the aforementioned list of stuff to take
• repack cold stuff in a clean bag, double bag the turkey in plastic, leave the toxic mess for later
• herd children and bags of food to the van
• forget to bring the milk cause that was on the forgotten list
• leave the front door unlocked in case your loving, debilitated husband needs to call 911 while you are gone
• drive 2 hours to parents' house

Arrive at parents house,

• the prepping, cooking, and other such follies of this Thanksgiving meal don't really matter after everything else you have dealt with before today
• feel blessed that you have family with which to share time
• remember for what you are thankful
• love yourself, love your family