to your mother


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Mama's Nightmares

Just a quick list of some living nightmares in my life here in paradise...

The Slinky Nightmare
Santa brought both our monkeys plastic slinkys in their stockings. Joe enjoyed slinging his around, winging it here and there, no harm done. As I was on the computer, my back towards the monkey-slinky-slinger, I heard "mama?....mama?...necklace...necklace mama...look...mama...necklace...mama...Mama?...Mama?...MaMA!...MAMA!...MAMA!!....MAMA!!" (I usually wait for three MAMA's until I look). I turned to see Joe with the slinky wrapped around his neck, twice, pulling and making it squeeze tighter until the skin on his wee neck was being pinched, possibly ready to suffocate him if I didn't turn around after the third MAMA.

I threw the slinkys away at nap time.

Monkey + Running Truck = Nightmare
I was out with Joe, cleaning 24 inches of snow off the truck (Mike had whacked his back and was inside, he seems to act upon his common sense better than I; this nightmare would have never happened had his back not been whacked). I started the truck to help defrost some of the snow on the windshield (tall truck + short Mama = nightmare). I was getting ready to move the truck out of the parking space and put Joe in the driver's side. I started to climb in behind him and realized that the windshield was covered in snow. Remembering Mike mentioning that the doors can lock automatically, I took extra care to ensure that the doors were not locked (you've heard the nightmares of kids being locked inside running vehicles...that wasn't gonna happen to this Mama). I closed the door, quickly wiped off the windshield, then tried to open the door...Joe sat waving at me, pretending to drive, and I glanced down to see the door was locked. I'm sure Joe was thinking safety first when he pushed the lock down and good for him. Luckily the neighbors cleaning off their vehicles watched Joe while I ran inside to retrieve the spare key and all was well.

Since then, the neighbors haven't asked me to watch their kids.

Mercury Thermometer
I think the title gives this one away. I entered the master bath after hearing a tiny crash, like a champagne glass for a mouse breaking upon the tile floor. Joe is standing there, broken end of a mercury thermometer going towards his mouth in slow motion...he still talks about that day when we are in the master bath, he relives this nightmare too. "mometer...break...Mama...'aaaahhhhhhh'" as he mimicks my scream.

We use digital exclusively now.

Ant Apple Nightmare
Julie likes gnawing on whole apples (like her big bro). I was on the computer, my back to the wee monkey (you would think I would have learned, I'm an old dog), and then I realized that it had been strangely quiet for too long. I turned to discover what is going on.

Dramatic pause.
I have saved the best nightmare for last.

We have an ant issue when we leave fresh food in the rec room.

A half-eaten apple from the day before is what the ants consider fresh food.

I saw the back of Julie's head bobbing up and down, as if she was gnawing on an apple.

As I caught sight of her from above, I saw the apple she was holding in her two chubby hands, the apple upon which she was vigorously gnawing.

It looked as if the apple was in motion; tiny black ants were crawling about it.

And crawling on Julie's sweet chubby fingers.

And crawling on her face

and in her mouth.

She smiled up at me as I gasped, grabbing the apple from her. I swiped some ants off her while I fumbled to open the sliding glass door to pitch the ant apple out into the world beyond.

I returned to the wee monkey. She only had a couple ants left crawling on her face. As I brushed them off, I scooped her up and held her close. She laughed and snuggled at the attention. "Maybe I should eat ant apples more often?" was what she may have been thinking. I was grossed out by the thought of ants crawling on me. She was happy. I put her down. I brushed myself off to rid myself of any ants that may have transfered to me. I danced a little bit and said "EEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!"

I don't know if I am making myself clear.

This was truly a nightmare, one that I am horribly reliving as I write these words. At unexpected moments I see Julie clearly in my mind...ants crawling upon her smiling, two-toothed grin. I need to go now.

No apples allowed in the rec room. That's the new rule.

No comments:

Post a Comment